Observations

Thoughts on the world around me. Deep thoughts.

Sugar and Spice and Intelligence

Observations

It never occurred to me, until I had a little girl, how strangely people talked to her. I even found myself telling her how pretty she was. Not that those types of words of encouragement aren’t important, but it got me thinking about all the other more empowering things I could be saying to her.

I recently rented “The Help.” Towards the end, one maid has been framed for a crime she didn’t commit, she is fired and has to immediately leave the house and the little girl she has essentially raised from birth. Before she goes, she kneels down and says to this little girl “You are smart. You are kind. You are important.” The same thing she has been telling this little girl, everyday, her entire life. I realized that these are the things my daughter needs to hear, everyday.

This article is great. It talks about our tendencies when it comes to talking to little girls.

Lisa Bloom: How to Talk to Little Girls.

If we can change these tendencies when they’re little, will it translate to when she’s older, sitting where I’m sitting, talking to her own little girl? Perhaps. Worth a shot.

13 Important Life Lessons We Learned From ‘Twilight’

Observations

13 Important Life Lessons We Learned From ‘Twilight’

I think this is a hilarious take on these books. I admit. I’ve read them. I’m sort of a young adult junkie. But you got to take it for what it’s worth – a clever story. No the details might not all tie together perfectly. Every characters needs might not be satisfied so it’s a good thing they’re not REAL. Bravo to all those writers who are gutsy enough to put work out there that connects with people on a hyper-psycho level.  They’ve figured out a way to do what every writer wants to do, make a living out of writing stories.

Don’t try so hard

Observations

One freaks opinion

Do you spend your day thinking about all the opportunities that you will give your kids? Opportunities that you never had. You want them to learn things you never learned because maybe if you had learned them, you’d be a better person in someway?

Turns out your kid just needs love. A positive experience. A good example. They need to see you be a kind person. A generous neighbor. A supportive friend. They need to watch you love them, and in turn they will learn to love, be kind, generous and supportive. Isn’t that what we want for our kids?

Good luck with all that. Turns out the bunch of brilliant professors, who came to this finding, can’t even follow their own advice. The fear of failure runs deeper than intelligence.


Do you work?

Observations

The other night the neighborhood ladies all got together to “play bunco.” As a neighborhood newbie, I had no choice but to accept their last minute invite although I was dressed like I was headed to gym class and had never ever before played bunco. Fortunately for me, we didn’t play bunco, hence the quotes. Bunco hasn’t actually been played for years. Instead, the night was filled with drinking wine, eating food and gossiping about the neighborhood catching up. Turns out I could play bunco after all.

The one question I got over and over again from this intelligent and well-groomed group of woman was “Do you work?” I’d never been asked that before. It was always “What do you do?” In all those cases, it was just assumed that I went to work everyday. Not in this case. I was surrounded by women who had at one time worked, but two or three kids later, heading to work everyday just to pay for daycare, in their minds, couldn’t be justified.

Does society make it impossible for women to do both?

It costs approximately $755 a month to send one child to daycare. Just one child. I know we personally pay close to that. Factor in that woman already make 77% as much as men do, where does that leave us?

It’s a tough act to balance and a hard decision to make. Being at home can be just as fulfilling, but walking away from years and years of being a go-getter in any industry isn’t exactly as easy switch to flip. I am not anywhere near having to make this decision, but that one question “Do you work?” brought to mind all the factors that will weigh into that decision.

My biggest fear isn’t staying home and feeling unfulfilled. My biggest fear is trying to come back and discovering I’ve become irrelevant. Many of my friends have made the leap and become full-time mommies. I envy them. My four-day-a-week schedule gives me a weekly glance into what it would be like to be at home with Little A full time. It’s fantastic. It’s a relief. It makes me feel like a better mom. But it leaves me thinking – would it be enough?

Is being a mommy enough? What do you do outside of your kids that makes you feel fulfilled?

Saying Goodbye

Observations

Last week I dropped my ten-month-old daughter off at daycare. As I was pulling out of the parking lot, like I’ve done hundreds of times before and for the third time that week, I teared up. One thing made that day different. That little girl waved goodbye to me. Her slender little arm extended out and waved around. She smiled her three-toothed grin, turned around and motored off to join her buddy Aaron in a fun game of “Clear the Bookcase.”

It became obvious that she was no longer a baby, unaware of her surroundings. She was a little, observant, independent-ish person, who knew I was leaving and that saying goodbye was appropriate. I felt like my little girl was slipping away, and I was missing it.

I immediately began to reexamine my decisions. I took 12 weeks of maternity leave. I am breastfeeding. We make Abigail’s food – steaming, blending and freezing food in ice cube trays that is mostly organic. I send her to a daycare that I love with teachers who have been supportive of us every step of the way. But that little arm waving around made me pause. Aw hell, it nearly made me breakdown.

I love my job and I love the fact that I have mentally been able to balance the two. I put her little wave away in my milestones file to visit another day. Perhaps a day when she’s slamming a bedroom door in my face. Reluctantly, I pushed on to work where I read this…

Crazy ladies like this make you second guess everything you have carefully conceived for yourself. I know that having a defined greater purpose is important. Right now that greater purpose is getting up and going to work. It isn’t, by any means, perfect or ideal. But it is what it is. It is life.

One thing I do tire of is woman putting other woman down. We are a mean species. As nurturing and caring and loving as woman can be, we can be equally as manipulative and demeaning. And why? To make ourselves feel better? To mask the cloud of doubt constantly over our own heads? I am as guilty as the next with my subtle putdowns and chatty gossip. I’m not sure where I get the energy or why. It certainly doesn’t make anyone feel better expect maybe myself, for a minute.

I wish it were still Lent. Then I could be guilted into giving up whispered conversations and critiques of my fellow woman. But since it’s not, I’m going to have to call on good ole willpower. So goodbye, gossip and nitpicking!

Ironic that my first writing is about saying goodbye when it should be all about saying hello? Maybe. But these are things worth saying farewell too… Mommy’s leaving daycare? That’s a whole other story.

~RED